I'm done looking in the mirror....
I originally had a really long really awesome journal, but Gaia decided not to post it.
Whatevs.
I'm tired.
I'm on call.
We've had internal disasters and external disasters the past couple days at the hospital.
Ugh.
It's all just really stressful.
But on the plus side, there are some interesting people at the hospital.
Like this one guy in same day surgery.
Man....
He's got such an awesome voice. And he's so handsome.
He said good morning to me this week, with my name included!
I hope we're that much closer to becoming friends.
And there's a guy that works in kitchen.
He seems pretty friendly.
And of course there's one of our couriers.
He's just flirty. It makes me uncomfortable.
But then there are people on the outside world that are interesting,too...
Like this one guy... L... he's going to fix my phone and computer for really really cheap.
He's also handsome.
I so want to be his friend.
I just have a certain type, I guess. I never realized it until now.
I like skinny guys
that are soo tall. Cute/handsome I don't are what colour, but either really dark, or really pale. Black/brown hair. I like green o blue eyes. Muscles....... Has a good sense of humour that I can laugh with really really nice and never stops trying to impress me Understands that I have a kid, so she always comes first. understands I'm not okay with anything sexual. period. understands that I am psychotic. But I hope I'm worth it. DRIVES. has a stable job. I don't care if he has kids, I'm accepting. Very open minded. Tender-hearted towards me understands that I'm fragile...emotionally and physically... not so damn stubborn, but still has an opinion not violent...
I dunno...
it'll never happen...
I want to get out..
But I can't..
I'm stuck
Don't get me wrong; I love Xana.
to death.
I just don't think I'm happy in my more personal affairs.
I don't know what to do....
I also want to stop smoking...
but smoking helps me deal with this life.
I'm thinking about getting my tubes tied.
I have an appointment next week to talk about the procedure, then set up an appointment to do it.
I'm going to get a prius with my tax return.
I'm interested in girls.
I'd love to have a girlfriend.
but guys are also so handsome.
meh.
I did realize something, though...
there was a person.. I thought I got his attention back..
but I've realized... I don't want it. Or need it.
he's comforting...
he's what I can depend on.
I'm pretty sure he'll read this.
but I'm finally ready to let go, and move on.
for the first time in forever, I've finally gone a couple days without a thought towards him...
hows he doing, is he okay, is he eating well,is he safe,is he happy....
nope. haven't thought about it.
I guess that's a good thing.
I think I just need to work on myself...
but I no longer have time for myself...
I guess that's another problem for another day...
Meh.
I think I'm just going to end this.
... I only see someone I don't know.
Vanyaphaerelle · Fri Jan 10, 2014 @ 02:57am · 0 Comments |