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See, we had to write a poem for English class for a book.It was optional,and since I love writing poetry,I decided to write a poem.Except it was about cutting and suicide.Now,the cutting /is/ from personal experience.So,figuring I did a pretty good job,I decided to let my friends,Natalie and Mikey read it.Since Natalie's mother died a few years ago,she's become a little goth,so she had no problem with it,thinking it was just a way to let out feelings and that I haven't actually experienced self-injury.Mikey,on the other hand,had seen through me just enough to ask the question;
"...Sam,you don't cut yourself,do you...?"
Wallowing in my own shame and self pity,I said no.He even wanted me to show him my arms.I made up the pretty obvious excuse that my ferrets had gotten a little rowdy a few times.But I never let him see my leg,Hey,he didn't ask smile .
Now I feel guilty for lying to him.I also feel that if I told him the truth,he might think I'm weird and not hang out with me anymore.So what I'm saying is,is that I'm afraid his action will have a negative reaction.He and Natalie are great friends,and I don't want to lose them.The last thing I need is another enemy.
Also,this girl Stephanie has been picking on me an awful lot, even though I told her my father is capable of a heart-attack.She still continues to be a pain in the a**,regardless of whatever's happening.I get so angry,I just want to ask if she thinks self-injury is funny.She'd laugh at that too,the cold hearted b***h.She has that "Holier-than-thou" attitude that only a few can barely stand.Danielle hangs around her,and I believe the only reason she is a b***h,is because she has to be,in order to gain popularity,so that of Stephanie's.Neither realize what they say could push me over the edge,eventually.I'm slowly going insane.Prone to suicide.
So,my question is, Should I bare it and tell everyone how I feel?
SammyBammy · Thu Nov 18, 2004 @ 03:16am · 6 Comments |
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