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Mikey understood what I meant,yet didn't do anything.He acted as if my problem was no problem,just something people would get over.If I croak,it's both of our faults.He didn't seem to care too much to be around me.He was avoiding the situation.Like I said,he thought that this was no big deal.It is Mikey,stop ignoring it and help me!Not even a word about the situation.
I missed the dance tonight,because,well,since I'm the biggest loser in the world,no one asked me.So yeah,that got me down.
I got one of the smallest parts in the play.Why give me a part at all?
I messed up Ed's hair and he stabbed me in the back.And he went crying to his mommy.All because I 'messed up his hair'.Sure,I grabbed him by the back of the head,but I could've slammed it in his locker.He broke my heart,and now he's complaining about his hair.
Me and Jamie got in a little 'compitition' on who's life is worse.It doesn't matter what I do,I can never seem to force the words-
"Yeah,well,why don't you cut yourself like I do?!That seems to help!!"
I told Mikey and Nicole of my problem,and yes,it's no big deal to them.I know I should quit,especially since we're going home for Thanksgiving.We're going back to my native land; North Carolina.Yay.No ferrets or metal bed frame to blame my scratches on.Hm.That's going to suck.I'll have to find an unnoticable place to cut,maybe I'll cut Toby?Yeah.I hate that b*****d.May he rot in hell for EVER touching my sister.He hits her,and everyone knows it.I'll beat his a** blue when I see him again.Wife-beating b*****d.Like I said,burn in hell.I just wonder what affect this will have on my nephew (older),Zachary.I hope he doesn't restort to my way of venting.
And of course,I have Mckenzee and Zoe and Taylor who will likely drive me insane.Yeah.I hope they have something sharp.And Jessica may find it too.Hopefully not.If she says anything its for cutting Toby's a**.No one should know about this.Especially family.Hey,you guys are internet,you don't count. razz
Ergh.You shall all pray that no one finds my secret.My glass broke.So then it went to pins.Then knives.Then finally a retractable razor blade.I don't know where to get the other kind.They're nicer.I'll have to bring my fishnet arm thingies.Those are great.No long sleeves though,it's all heat in NC.An oven,really.
*sigh* I hope I get to see Adam before I leave.I miss him dearly.He's my world you know,the only thing I have.If I were to lose him,I'd have nothing.No meaning,nothing.I miss him so much.Maybe we'll all go over to Christian's house. heart I really love him,yes I do. heart He's the reason I'm still alive,let's put it that way.
I've never been so dark.When I was little,life was perfect,my father loved me,and I wasn't so cynical.I wasn't always complaining about the little things.I never knew what a vegetarian was,and people weren't sexists.Life was wonderful.No worries.Not alot to be expected of you right at that moment.In a few years,your life would be all planned out and ready for your accomplishment.My parents set up the life that I was going to marry,have four children..all after graduating college; with honors.And become the best damned doctor and find the cure for cancer.That kind of thing.The best life was planned out.But it made a turn for the worse.
Then I fell in love.Later,the boy moved away.I ran to my room and cried.
Then,I foumd Adam.And now I'm being told it would never work out,I'm too young for him.I do not believe that.Right now we're good friends,and I love him,dearly.I love being around him,I love everything about him.I've been embarassed in front of him before,so I can handle alot with him....I paused a while,just remembering every moment I have been with him.When we first met...when I first realized it was love.I have always been happy when I was with him.Adam's the best thing that ever happened to me.Only time I'm happy.He makes me happy.He's the only one that can help me.Just by being around him,I lift out of my depression.It's like nothing I've ever felt.I really do love him.
heart heart heart
 SammyBammy · Sat Nov 20, 2004 @ 12:32am · 2 Comments |
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