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Interesting how things played out.

An attraction is made between me and another, but in the end it seems to be one sided. I am attracted to a girl, but the more I learn about her the more I find myself thinking that if a relationship is made I will be receiving the short end of the stick. I have already endured that kind of relationship for far to long and I will not take part in it again.

So due to that I turn my eyes to another who I will admit may not be perfect, but she does value me as someone to be with. The issue with this one is that her history of everything going wrong makes her resistant to anything going right. She simply doesn't know how things should go. Sadly this distrust in good things prevents her from accepting my feelings and returning them. She lets me speak and feel the way I want, but returns nothing; in fear that if she did she would just loose me. That's what I'd like to think at least. Other problem is she is hard to read. I can't see into her like I can with others.

There are also the impossibles that taunt me with pleasant gestures. Friends I can foresee good things happening, but distant enough to make impossible to obtain my desire.

Regardless of the imperfections in all my relationships. I do enjoy them. The more and more I look at all the women I make friends with I always see it becoming one sided. I am to please them so intensely I disregard my own desires because I free if I were to place myself first they will leave me. That is why I allowed these relationships.

I hate saying this but "It's the best I can do." At least at the moment and hopefully that moment doesn't last to much longer I am going tired of this game.