Alright as told in my profile I have a ******** up heart.
Its HUGE! About the size of my lung. Ya I know that can't be, but I saw the x-rays so ya don't doubt what I say because I only speak truth.
On that note I wish to relieve my heart of a certain pain. After the surgery it hurt but there was something way worse that pained me, Loneliness. Loneliness is my enemy and destroyer. For a man thought to have everything and lose it all after the surgery could have killed me. But it didn't!
Now I have many friends everywhere. In college, apartment complex, and here on gaia. Gaia was my savior from committing the unknown torment I was ready to endure.
Through Gaia I discovered many wonderful people all who I love. Even the random encounters I love because that interaction fuels me. I will state there are several women who have helped me alot and I give them credit.
Gauntlets_of_Dark_Passion
fleshmechanix_86
sauvagery
Leopardchild
Vix_Punk
Of these there are 3 who help healed my heart further. (no offense to anyone else)
Guantlets, Fleshmech, and Sauvagery
These women aided me more then the rest, making me feel worth having. With this influence I grow more confident in myself. Through everyone's help I stood up and felt like a broken man healed to something greater then ever before.
With the scares and machinery these women found me attractive in many ways. Not just looks because I gave up on that along time ago. They healed the heart not my scares. They made me beautiful from the inside out.
After all that I thought it would be hard to fall in love again. Mainly because I hardly believe in love. I scientifically dismantle love into a bodily reaction. The emotional value tied to the word love still has strong meaning. These 3 women are the ones I love most.
If you have spoken with me I do not feel that love should be dedicated to one person unless the relationship actually grows that strong. Love is so strong and powerful I can love many people. As stated before, I have a big heart. These 3 women I truly love what they have done for me. They all speak to me like I am a "online boyfriend", self interpreted btw. Having that connection with someone makes me feel like I have worth. I am worth being with. I am worth loving.
Now Gauntlet and Fleshmech has themselves boyfriends, even though i interpret things differently I respect their men. So I love the women who are taken, but I don't care; I can give love to any I choose and I will be damned to do different.
What about Sauvagery you say?
Well I will not be afraid to admit. She has taken a different route with me. Its hard to describe the difference I feel to her compared to the others. I am not sure if its the fact she is single or what. I dare say I have fallen more in love with her then any other. Now with that said I try my best not to get hopes up because my believes make me contradict myself.
I have a belief that a person; if allowed, can have an online relationship and offline. I see it normal so therefor I can't be angry about the offline since I am in a different realm. I hold no hate or distaste towards the men Gauntlet and Fleshmech have, actually I am happy they have men in their lives because they ******** deserve it.
Why is Sauvagery making me challenge myself?
Not sure how to explain it really. I try not to love someone so strong because I don't want to be hurt again. I want to rush a relationship to seal the deal selfishly. I want to love and I want to be selfish, but both desires are challenged by my reason. What should I believe in? Emotion or reason?
Reason gave me strength when I was weak but Emotion gives me happiness and a since of worth. I want to love in the truer since of the word that people reserve for their relationships, but I don't want to force it onto anyone. My Selfless and Selfish desires clash.
I know what I want, but afraid to ask. I know what makes me happy, but after to take it. I know I battle against myself because I want everyone to be happy, but I want too to.
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Hey look at all this pointless gibber I have in here and pictures of me if you wish to see. I'm not to proud of them but go ahead and look.
There I see liberty.
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There I see liberty.
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Warniva Community Member 
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I'm happy that I've made you better some, luv. And I'm happy for you and your new-found relationships. You *are* a wonderful guy, and you definitely deserve all the love in the world. I'll always hold you in high regard and affection.
And I leave thee a story:
"One day, a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart. It was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it.
Suddenly, an old man appeared and said, “Your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine.”
The young man looked at the old man’s heart. It was beating strongly, but it was full of scars, jagged edges and holes. He laughed.
“You must be joking,” he said. “Compare your heart with mine. Mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears.”
“Yes,” said the old man.
“Every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love.
“I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart. But because the pieces aren’t exact I have some rough edges, which I cherish because they remind me of the love we shared.
“Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away and the other person hasn’t returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges—*giving love, is taking a chance.*
“Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too. And I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting.
“So now do you see what true beauty is?”
You are beautifully unique and lovable dearie.