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I fear I am nocturnal!
Well I don't fear really at least I am sleeping now.
Though my day is backwards at least I can sleep away sadness.
Until of course I wake up and things are either worse or the same.
I never wake up to something being better, one day I might I guess.
Like my birthday or something, maybe I'd win the lottery?
Who knows, maybe I'll wake up being the last person alive!
I don't know why but that thought has been making me smile as of late.
If I was the last person I'm sure I would feel pretty darn lonely after awhile.
Only people that have experienced loneliness know the value of people.
I saw that on Tumblr, totally reablogged it.
Sometimes I feel like I am getting old, bad heart lots of medicine, diseases!
I'm some sick ******** from god knows where, who decided my life should be this?
I apologize for that outburst, I don't know what came over me.
Hostility leads to no where, but then why am I so angry all the time?
I can't decide who I am or who I want to be so I let other people judge me.
It is so much easier don't cha know?
Well maybe you don't maybe you're feeling extra confident when you reread this.
Though if I know you, and sometimes I feel like I do, you'll know what I mean.
I mean how can you not we are the same person.
Aren't we? Aren't we? Your not just some ******** up thing I invented are you?
Of course not...hahahaha...
>> Right down to the brass tax, I keep egging David on asking out Aly..
I feel like I need him to do it just to see if I really have let go or not.
I feel like I have but you never know, unfortunately I am full of surprises.
If I have indeed let go as I assume I have then I can begin a life of carnage.
A life where my lack of conscience is a good thing.
A life where I don't need to fit in anymore.
A life where violence is the best part cause it happens every single day.
A life where someone some where will hurt me and I will constantly hurt them.
Romantic pain, that is physical not emotional.
A life where caring is optional and no one cares to know that simple fact.
A fictional life that I made up in my head.
A life that calls out to me in my dreams.
A life that sometimes escapes my dreams and hallucinates itself into reality.
Reality is a matter of perception though, so if I can see it is it real!?
I guess it has to be. ********.