Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Look in my eyes you're killing me killing me, all I wanted was you. I tried to be someone else, but nothing seems to change. I know now this is who I really am inside.



Good song...great cover...Blood of the Martyrs...

Anyway...I'm wasting time I have a book to read now, but it's rather short.
I don't want to finish it too fast, it is pretty good so far.
It has been making me laugh, and s**t.
Which is a good thing, because I do enjoy a good laugh.
Well my day was how I expected it to be really.
I didn't know how to feel all day, ********' Wednesdays.
I was late to school, because my mom decided she wanted to hit me before school.
I bleed through my sweater, so I just wore one jacket.
I got a lot of hate mail on Tumblr.
I was hit a lot today so I hurt a lot...not that that's a total negative...
I played Magic today so I guess that's a positive, I didn't really win though.
I hung out with Jessie, David, and my neighbor(Christine).
Not all at the same time, but yeah
I said no to alcohol. Can you believe it?
I smoked a cigarette for the first time since I was like 13 I think?
I watched Interview With a Vampire, and Queen of the Damned with Christine.
She questioned me about my life, and thoughts.
She drank, and I considered smoking another cigarette.
I sighed a lot.
I kept making awkward eye contact with Alex, well I found it slightly awkward.
I got scared in front of Christine from the sound of an Orange falling.
She laughed, and called it cute. I hate that. :T
She wanted to shower with me I contemplated it.
In the end we didn't I thought about Alex, and it made me sad.
I smelled Christine for awhile, it isn't as sweet as Alex's scent.
I cut Christine a bit.
She left.
I redid my bandages.
Most of my wounds have healed minus the bruises on my chest and legs.
I started doing this.
I feel like I should have drank the alcohol.
Shot of vodka, a shot of whisky, and a shot of gin to chase it down.
Strong drinks. Weak organs. Clouded mind.
I'm starting to get used to the aches inside my body now.
My mental stability is getting worse.
Maybe I should abandon this quest for my own mind.
"It's always darkest before dawn."

My beautiful fake friend...
Calling for a sign in silence.
It's like I'm screaming.
Lol...it's not...well maybe if someone could read minds..or body language.

......
I'm...wasting....time....
TIME...WASTING IT...
I AM WASTING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol....not that I can change anything...
panic attacks...panic attacks...panic attacks...
Just breathe....
Christine is back...
Her family has fallen asleep like mine...
She keeps bugging me to date her..
I wonder if I was this annoying lol...
Well I guess I'll go watch t.v. with her...
She wants me to read to her...
******** dat shyiet...
Lol....




Another night filled with all the horrors.