Ya so I'm in love with this guy named James. I met him when I lived in Georgia for a few months. I liked him at first. All we really did was pass notes in his notebook durring history. But I remember history being my fav class beacuse I would see him. I even remember being sad when he didnt show up for class. That really rarely happened though. He had this girlfriend, named Vanessa I think. I never out right aksed him to be with me, but he did tell me once that he really loved her and wanted to be with her, and he would not cheat. (So I believed he wasnt a cheater). I accepted that and waited. Then this kid Rocky asked me out, and me being my self said yes. Apparently Rocky thought I was his "One chance" at loosing his virgity. Nuh uh, not this chick.
I was toled I had to move on sudden notice. I had only been in Georgia three months. My mother wasnt going to let me go to school the next day to tell all my friends I was leaving. I begged her, mostly beacuse I kept thinking about James, and not wanting to leave him. I wanted him to know that I love him. So after a while she let me go. I remember crying really hard when I toled my friends. And when I had to leave, James picked me up gaving me this great big hug and kissed my cheek. That was the last time I saw him, or felt his touch. I would give anything now to hug him, or kiss his lips. Just one more day is all I need...
For almost a whole year I had no contact with James. I thought about him occasionally, and still held feelings for him, but I figured not to dwell on it. Then one day while I was up on the roof chillin with my friend Ashley, I toled her about James, and how I really liked him. She asked me if I had his number. I tried looking for it a few times before but I never succeded in finding it. I toled her I would look one more time. I found it in my old jewlery box (that I still have to this day). It was a miracle, beacuse I had looked for it in there before, and now out of the blue it just Majickaly appeared. I called him and as soon as I heared his voice, God, my heart jumped. I was so afraid that he had forgotten me. He didnt, thank God. We got on the computer and he asked me to be his. I of course, said yes. I quickly began to love him.
I have entries, in my diary about me and him. Theres pages full of my love for James. Yet, I still didnt get the vibe from him that he loved me as much as I did him.
Then about a month after he asked me to be his, I got arrested, and sent to juvi. I didn't talk to him for 20 days. But I cut this heart out of paper, and colored it red. In the middle I wrote "James". I kept it in my sports bra the whole time I was there. I would fall asleep with it in my hands. The only time that heart was out of my reach was when I took a shower every night. When I got back from Juvi, I got on the computer and I thought that maybe there would be a few offlines from him saying that he loved me and wondered where I was, sence I never had the chance to tell him I was being sent to juvi. Instead I got online, and there was no messages from him. I asked my mom every week if I got any calls from him, and every time she would say "No I'm sorry." I still loved him, and refused to believe in the possibility he was cheating on me. A few weeks later my greatest fear came true.
I called his house to talk to him, and his mom answered. Her exact words were: "Stop calling here. James has a girlfriend. Yes he does, no your not his girlfriend. Her name is Emily! Good-bye!"
I tried to kill myself that night. Okay a little dramatic, I know. A girl should never kill herself over osme guy.
Just to me he wasnt 'some guy'. He was "the guy".
I broke up with him and vowed to never talk to him again!
He though, had a different plan. He kept talking to me, and eventually won over my heart, again. Though he toled me I was obsessed and that he loved Emily to death.
I just sorta...drifted off. I wouldnt talk to any other guys (romantically). I knew that my heart belonged to James.
One day he toled me that Emily moved away and that he was falling in love with me again. I felt happy beacuse thats what I wanted, but sad beacuse he had fallen out of love with me. We eventually got back together, and he was a lot more affectionate, loving, and gentle.
I remember, that after all the times I would hit (roleplay) or yell at him, say all those mean things, he never once lost his temper. When I asked him about it, he just said "Was I supposed to?" Hes just, got this way about him. How hes so wild and untamed.
I cant even express how I love him, its something that I can never get over. I want him for the rest of my life, to be my husband, and the father of my children.
But I dont think he wants that. The times that we have been together, I am convinced he was cheating on me with another girl. It didnt bother me too much, as long as I was with him, and I could still hear him say "I love you."
The only flaws he has, (in my eyes) are that he logs of the damn computer without sayin good-bye and he doesnt tell me how he feels. And beacuse he doesnt I think the worst. I never hear him say "I just wanna be with you. your the only one for me."
But if he were to leave me, and never come back.
I would always be waiting for him, beacuse I believe that he is the only man I can be with.
James is my Tamer.
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^RPC Hana Koboyashi^
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