So.. I've been gone for the past two days.
I was at my Aunt's house helping her get her classroom together. She would tell me to do something, so I would do it. Then she'd tell me that I'm doing it wrong. So she would tell me to do something else, so then I would do it. And again, she'd tell me I was doing it wrong. I think you get the picture.
I felt as if I wasn't good enough. Feeling like that isn't new with my mom. I always feel "below par" with my mom. But with my Aunt; No. I always thought that I was good enough for my Aunt. But latley, she's been telling me that I need to change my style and she's been snapping at me for every little thing.
Things with my counselor have been going good. The word she keeps using with me is 'impulsive' and it's getting me worried. Since I've been in counseling, I've found out that depression runs in my family. Everyone in my family has or has had depression. Isn't that just great? rolleyes
Speaking of counseling. (I'm going to talk about someone now, if and when he reads this, he'll know who he is.)
He tells me I don't need to see a counselor. He tells me there's nothing wrong with me. But he doesn't know the whole picture. I'm scared to tell him my insecurities. Why? I don't know. I've never really been the type to open up to someone on such a personal level. Maybe because I'm scared of rejection. I honestly don't know. He doesn't know that I'm sick of feeling this way. I'm sick of not feeling good enough. He doesn't know that I put on a mask for him. I'm scared to let him see my imperfections.
I find I do that with everybody. I love the people that are close to me so much. I don't want to lose them. I'm scared that if they see me at a low point, that they're going to think I'm some insecure chick who can't handle herself. I don't want that. Maybe it's true though. Maybe I am some insecure chick who can't handle herself. Who knows.
Well, on a lighter note, I got 7 new tops and 2 new pairs of jeans. <3 all with my own money.
Comment please.
Jesss
CarmelAppl · Wed Aug 23, 2006 @ 04:50pm · 4 Comments |