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I know I'm not the only one with this dilemma: being young and trying to figure out life without ******** up. It's just so confusing though. Right now I'm pretty sure I know exactly what I want, just not how to get it, without hurting anybody. The most confusing thing has to deal with Patrick. I love him, and I want more than anything to be with him. I have little doubt in my mind that the two of us can be very happy with each other. We even have this idea of sharing an apartment when I move back to the cities.

No matter what happens, I will need an apartment because the college I plan on attending has no student housing. On the other hand, Patrick can choose to remain in the dorms. Of course, I would love it if he and I shared an apartment. I can think of so many benefits: half the cost of rent/utilities/food/cable, no worries about being alone in an apartment in the cities, someone to sleep next to, a live-in cuddle-buddy, someone to share the housework with...

The downsides to this idea come in the form of questions. What if we break up? What happens if we get into a big argument? What if living together drives the other one crazy? How will our friends react (this is the major one)? I believe most of our friends will be apathetic about the event, but there's one that I'm almost positive with openly look down upon it.

Really and truly how and with whom Patrick and I live shouldn't be any of her business, but I'm not sure how she sees it. She's told both of us that us just being together isn't such a good idea. I deserve better, blah blah blah. I hate being told what I want, what I need, and the like.

Last night I talked to her w/out bringing up the possibility of Patrick and I sharing an apartment. The only thing I said was that I was confused about I should go about getting what I want. I'm worried about hurting others (mainly her and Patrick), but I didn't tell her who. What she told me kind of surprised me. She told me that I should stop worrying so much about others, and do what will make me happy. It's okay to an extent to be selfish.

The problem now is this: Does that mean I can go ahead and be "selfish" and live with Patrick? or is that too much selfishness? sweatdrop