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I'm so very..
I don't know how to put it into words.
The feeling is there.
It's so hard to resist.
Especially when everyone is sleeping around me.
All these different things flashing through my mind.
It's almost unbearable.
My throat is tightening.
My vision is becoming blurry.
I'm shaking.
I'm resisting.
I'm losing focus.
My stomach hurts.
Can this eventually kill me?
I can make out the red line.
Thank you spell check.
Now I know I need to go back and correct myself.
When these urges, back down.
I can't shake it.
This happens too much.
It's really hard to breathe.
I can see things I know I really shouldn't see.
I bit down on my tongue.
It's bleeding, but the pain lets me know I'm really awake.
It lets me know what's real in my ******** up reality.
It's so very loud.
I know it isn't.
But it really is.
It's only ever increasing.
My life pains me.
That's not completely true.
I pain me.
I need to end the pain.
I need to end me.
I need something.
Is it a need or a want.
SHUT UP.
Goddamn it.
My skin is crawling.
There's people in the room.
They're screaming.
It's not real.
They aren't real.
It feels too real.
I can't.
These visions in my head.
I'm so itchy.
It's so hot.
They're reaching out to me.
I'm terrified.
They keep screaming.
Shrieking.
Cacophony..
I put headphones in.
I can still see them, but I can't hear them.
doncamatic....



Okay thirty minutes later.
They're still here.
They're staring at me.
I can't really make out their faces.
I can just feel the stare.
Black figures.
I'm alright now I guess.
Minus this fear and the urge is here.
It's all slight though.
I don't know..
Time to watch Netflix until the sun comes up..