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I wanna write everything that has happened since I last wrote, but I can not remember what I last wrote. Right so my head cashier got another cashier to ask me out for New Years Eve. I panicked cause I'm not into this guy and there are a few good reasons why I should saw no. He seems like the type who would break a girls heart, the type to walk all over you. For example I am in the running for becoming head cashier and when I cover for lunches, and if I get this position I can't be with a coworker cause it looks bad, and also it would show favoritism.

Speaking of work, my new manager who has turned out to be complete nerd, well tech-geek, keeps saying I am a control freak. The words are "controlling". I kinda know he is messing with me, but its true when it comes to work. Maybe at home too. I've been on this keep things clean kick. Its working but there are days in which I can't stay still.

Back onto the first topic. Well I have not said no yet, but I'm not going to say yes. I have not thought of what I want to do for New Years. I have both days off. Didn't ask for it but work has been cutting everyone's hours. Then there is another coworker who I sorta have a crush on but its not worth looking into. Funny thing is my sister came and ended up waiting for an hour for me to get off work. Well he said she was pretty. Then the next day he kept asking about her. She wants nothing to do with him since he is in his thirties and cause I told her I had a crush on him. I find it all ironic. I told her that it would happen and it did.

Moving on from work. I am excited to be starting my program is starting soon. When I finish the plan is to see if I can get a job in Texas or to work for a bit here then move down. I am ready to move back. This whole thing of being lonely, and just having my dog as a friend is sad. I love my dog but I need that human companionship. Friends who actually get me and not just see whats on the outside. My co-workers believe that I am this goodie goodie who does nothing bad, and easy to pick on. Its half true but there is more to me.

Ryu sent me an email about his grandfather, and I am sorry for him. It hurts to loose family members that you are close to. I want to send a reply back saying I'm sorry for his loss, but then there is that chance it could be taken for the idea I want to start talking again. I don't want to let him back into my life. He does not deserve it.

At night before I go to sleep sometimes I pray. I say thank you for keeping my family safe and healthy for the most part. My brother n law with the ms is getting worse, and its sad but for my mind I believe it was meant to happen. Everything has a reason. Then I ask to keep further watch over us. Then towards the end I ask to give me a sign if I meet the right one. Its silly and selfish, but I want to start a life together. I keep thinking of kids, but I know I am not ready. I want to finish school so that I can be ready. To be able to provide.

So boys and girls I hope that everyone has a great and safe New Years Eve, and that next year will be great. Until next time.