Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Man... I don't even have a word fo how bad i feel. I thought I meant so much to her and now I don't mean nearly as much. Ugh... it feels like my lot in life in to hurt and be decieved and then hurt more. Ya know, I really don't feel like I deserve this crap. Seriously! All I try to do is help people all the time. Even at my expense, even if I'm going throught the worst time in my life I will give all I have to other people who need me. Heck, they probably don't even need me but I still go in there and do it anyway. My point is that why would I go through this lonely crap when I'm doing my best to make sure everyone I can doesn't feel that they are? I suppose there is a good reason that I don't know. God does make sure everything happens for a good reason. I'll just have to keep truckin'. It still feels so bad to have something as amazing as Caitlin dangled in front of me and then I can't have her. It still hurts really bad. I'm having trouble getting over her too. Seriously, why should I have even met her? It's been nothing but pain and futility and irrelivancy. I know there's a reason for everything, but why this? Eh, either way, it's happened and I'll have to deal. I'll manage. I always manage. My new motto seems to be "It will be a cold day in hell before I ever give up" and I really do stick to it. Anyway, this is quite long enough. Later peoples.